hardtobesimple

today, yesterday & tomorrow...
I guess it will be same...
same like previously...
nothing in previously...
nothing in my heart...
no one...
no one want this "broken"...
no one want to cure my illness...
no one want to summoning this dead heart...
like the zombie...
it has nothing inside...
it has no soul...
it has no love...
its only have emptiness...
emptiness because of afraid to fall in love again...
even I have meet someone beautiful...
even when I have a nice friend...
even no one can't understand what I am writing about...
it just a journal...
journal to tell what I feel about...
about how long I was alone...
so long time I still...

Previous day is the first time I meet with TOEFL Test. The test is not to easy, and it's come more not easier when a pretty class mate sit in a chair in front of me... I don't know why, she looks like my previous lovely one... In my deepest heart want to know her more, about her live, her collage, and anything about her. But I still afraid with the change of broken heart... but I hope some day I will ripe enough as an adult man.... and ready to have love again...

and about my last short semester, hahaha
it's become better,
my Calculus 2 from E to A
my Calculus 3 from D to B+
and my basic introduction of mathematics changes from D to B
it's sooooooooo great, and nicely done!

dear journal

before I write something, I wanna sing:

dygta
2008
4THEBEST
Indah saat denganmu
Cinta yang terbaik
Sepanjang hidupku
Kini hanyalah mimpi
Menatap dirimu kembali disini
Bersamaku lagi
Dengarlah kasih...
Kumerindukanmu...
Masih untukmu
Kusimpan cintaku
Walau kau tlah lupakan aku
Tak ada yang mampu menggantikan mu
Masih untukmu
Seluruh rinduku
Walau semua takkan kembali
Biarku mencintai dalam hati......

today, I felt so blue...
I just can crying like a little baby... cause of my accademic score, just a little going better than before, I fell have a big mistake with both of my parent...
Because of the broken heart three years ago, I was going mad and start accademic worstly...
So, when I try to follow and continue to studying here, I need to work hard,
But, ovbiously work hard isn't enough, I need to work very very hard...
Each and every when I want went to my university in a city (Banjarbaru) beside my city (Banjarmasin), Each an every when I want leave my house, my Mom always stand in front of the door, to see my defature... She always pray for me... Give me the best... Always patient with me...
And what can I do for her and dad??? Still null...
I don't know why, my accademic is very terrible...
I was an intelegent student when I still in SHC...
And now???
The reason why I sing the song above is because I just not moving on yet from the previous my lovely one...
Now, I really need someone beside me...
to give me motivasion... to give me support... to give me reasons, why I shouldn't give up......
I have twitter acount, But... Still there's no mention....
I have facebook, But... There's no Timeline post from others....
I have a mobile, still there's no significant Message....
I have E-mail, also no significant....
I have catfiz messenger, No notification....
It's mean I have nothing... I have no friends...
Sometime I think... All of my friends is fake....
I'm alone...
The only thing I have is only family...
I'm so sorry mom and dad...

dear journal,

today I will not tell you about my worst accademic,

Today, when I went to my campus, I get an accident,
actually not an accident but just a something bad,
tire of my new ride get punctures because of a nail, risk of did't use tubeless tire
so, it's make me late came to the campus...
I've ask my mother to give me some money to buy tubeless tire, but she still don't care about it...
now, I have a reason to make her certain, hahahaha
I still keep the nail, to make me did't get a punctures twice with same nail....

dear Journal...

Nothing that I wanna write, still there's no inspiration....
to day is almost of the half of short semester and I felt so worries about the test....
even I've trying so hard to practice, I still confused,
even in a problem, I still can't solve it rightly,
but even it will be take a time so long... I will never give up,
I still learn about design, I still take english course and I still believe....
some day, I'll be a Man...